"I'm Gonna Make You A Little Less Gross, Every Day"

The title is irrelevant. Just something I heard on TV.
This is the Halloween season. Wanna know what I think about it?

I don't like it.

It's a meaningless holiday. Its origin in from Celtic paganism. Really! It's funny that most people I know celebrate it, even though none are Celtic pagans. I don't think that disguising myself as a harmful spirit on Samhain, when the spirits of the Netherworld pass through, for the purpose of passing off as a harmful spirit so that they won't try to get me, is worth having a Nationally-recognized holiday.
And candy? You spend Halloween scoring candy. People, you know it's bad for you, right?
Too bad we don't have a holiday where, as a tribute to American tradition, you eat the greatest feast your skinny body can--

Hold on.

K.

Too bad we don't have a holiday where you give gifts to close friends and family members to express love after the example and celebration of the life of Christ and--

Wait.

Oh. Oh, oh, nevermind. I forgot.

No, no, let's eat tooth decay in a wrapper, dress like sluts, get drunk, party...
Don't even get me started on horror movies.

Did you know that America spends 6 billion dollars a year on Halloween stuff? That's 66 dollars a person. That's enough money to buy 104 Dunlop Tortex picks, 78 Banquet Chicken fingers meals, 6 CDs, or Halo: Reach and a crappy haircut.

But it is a break from the ordinary. At least that.

It's such a dirty holiday though...everything is sticky, and and shrink wrapped, packaged in greasy rubber, and smelly. The whole economy of Halloween marketing just seems kind of gross to me, product-wise. I won't lie and say it's not fun to dress up as a Jedi, or a Caterpillar, or Darth Vader, or Tony Stark, but that has almst nothing to do with the actual foundation of the holiday.

Halloween dance parties are big this year. Dance parties in general are just...heh. I like to dance, and be young, and have fun, but not in a stuffy warehouse where teenage girls are getting grinded on like Amsterdam brothel picks on Saturday night. It makes me sad.

But you know what makes me happy? I'll tell you next time I post.

Reading and Writing and Reading and Thinking

I've got a lot to cover.

First: There are those of you out there who have somehow managed to find access to this page without asking me. Please understand this blog is very personal and I have it on the internet so I can share it with those few people who mean the most to me and whom I am comfortable entrusting the feelings and thoughts I write down to. There are things I put here that come from deep inside of me and when people read them, people who I do not know well enough to trust, it is very unpleasant for me.

As far as I understand, there are more people reading this blog than I had originally been keeping track of. You know who you are. You also know if I have shared the title or url of this blog with you.

Everyone else, listen up. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume we are good enough friends that I do not mind you reading this page (for now). However, this is a personal blog. It is not yours to share with others. It is not yours to show your friends, even if they know me. So those of you reading this now, you are welcome. Unless you feel that I would be uncomfortable with you reading it; you can always ask me. I promise I'm not too terrible of a person. But please, please, please, do not give anyone else grounds to access this. Things can spread fast. I had three people reading the blog, and then someone else found out and all of the sudden there's about ten more people who know about it whom I wasn't aware of or sure about. Friends tell friends who tell friends. I don't like that. So, bottom line, you can read. If anyone else wants to or tries to, they can ask my permission, for me to give them the url, and I probably will give it to them. I want to be nice about this, so let's get some mutual respect going, yeah?

Moving on, actually I like having a few more followers. Mainly because I've got this monthly poll and the more people read my blog the more people vote on it and the better it gets. Also having a bunch of followers makes me feel cool. I am cool. Ish.
...
Ok. Fun fact, the word "ok" appeared in the 1800s in America as an ironic abbreviation for "all correct", more literally "orl korrect". Get it?

I've been told it would be nice if I made my blog funnier. I can try. I hope at least reading this is an entertaining experience for those of you out there. Maybe even educational. But education isn't funny.

A quick report on the day, um, lots of dumb stuff not worth talking about happened. I did get to do this fun foam pit-gym-trampoline-place thing with my buddies Sean and Kels...ie. Kelsie's reading now so we can give her a mention.
I can. I don't know why I say "we". It's just me. Actually, lots of people do that. "We can do this", "Let's go." Dude, you're alone.
Anyway...

Keltsie MacDonald.
Just kidding--I don't wanna say too much sappy stuff because we've got one of those trendy friendships where we're both kinda too proud to admit how cool we think the other one is.
At least... I...
Whatever.
Whether that goes both ways or not, she's pretty awesome. If a little crazy. But hey, who isn't?
Oh also, I am a girl to her. Named Connie.
One time, we went on a date. That is insane. Because for two years of my life, she was this unattainable venus(you might hear me use that phrase pretty commonly), not so much that I liked her like that, but she was one of those 'way-out-of-my-league' girls. Just way too attractive and cool to ever be friends with the skinny pale kid who wrote "Tyrannothesaurus Rex." But she's different from that stereotype and here's why: She is a real person. Down to earth enough to be true to others, even so much as becoming (hopefully I can get away with saying this) decent friends with someone like me. Hats off to you Kels. You getting hit on tonight was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. In a laugh-to-myself kind of funny way.

Maybe if all of you are lucky I'll open up about girls one of these days.

Ok. Next. Family? Why not.

Note: These people come before anyone.



Left to right: Mom, Brother Bowen, Sister Elissa, Con. Merry Christmas. We really are an odd bunch.



We fight. It is a regular occurence. I love my brother.

My Dad. I have the best Dad in the world. I love him with all of my tiny black heart. I couldn't ever imagine a better father. Halo.

Dad, Me, Someone, and Mom. Home state of Washington. In the back there, sticking her head up my butt, is our dog Molly.

Bowen, Connor, Elissa. Cliffside. Bowen, you're too young to drink.

This one goes back a bit. Mom and Dad are never in pictures together because one has to take them. Just like Bowen to take his DS on a family outing, and then not remember the whole trip.

I never was the nice one. Those are the women of my life. We are a pale clan.

Alright. I'm forgetting a lot of the things I wanted to say. But this post has been long enough. Oh, the blogger photo system sucks. Formatting that stuff is impossible.
I'm realizing how much I'm leaving out of this blog so starting now I'm going to try to give you all your money's worth with every post(joke! it's free!). But at least I'll try to pack it all full of real stuff.
So, coming soon...Music! Halloween weekend, the Avett Brothers, my relationships with things, and the long-anticipated History of Iron Man part 3!

I want to close with some special words. Because I haven't talked about this sort of thing in a while. God loves you. He loves me too, he just hates the stuff I do sometimes. But seriously, you're never alone. He's there for you. Your family is there for you. And if all else fails, I'm here for you. Adam fell that men might be, and men are they they might have joy. That's not word for word, but what I'm trying to say is...smile. Life is good. The world, underneath all of the struggles, is a good place. We can be happy here. Not nearly as happy as we can be later, but just don't let yourself get too down. Someone is thinking about you right now.
Goodnight friends!
One more thing...

Be loud. Let your color show.

Confession.

No pun intended with that title.
There's something I've wanted to get off of my chest for a long time. Something big.
I am in love.
With a girl.
Not stupid teenage infatuation, not a crush, real love. Like, I want to spend eternity with her. And have babies with her.
Haley Needs.
Gosh, she's beautiful...that smile, those eyes...she lights up a room just by walking into it. But she doesn't know how I feel about her. Haley...If only you did. If only you knew how a really felt. I want to take care of you. But she's had a boyfriend for a while...I don't know what the current situation is, but...I just want her to notice my attemps to make her feel special. She is so perfect. Haley, I love you forever, and I know someday we will be together.



Just kidding.

Stand by for a real post.

The Pits

How do you get the gospel more in your life when there's literally no room for it?
I know, I know, there's always room.
It's just that, I'm in a bit of a spot right now. More and more, I feel like my way of life is being battered by influences that are trying to tear me down.
School. I'm trying so hard to keep up but it's throwing things at me faster than I deal with them. It's stacking up. My roommates have increasingly less respect for my standards. I havent played guitar in weeks. I'm seeing less and less of my friends. I have no money. And I'm too tired to stay awake long enough to do what I need to. At least I have The Avett Brothers.
Thing is, I know I have so much to be grateful for. I am really priveleged. But I also have so much...negative stuff going on right now. I want to endure to the end. I just don't know when the end is.
I think I can do it. I have resources to help me. I have conviction to drive me. And I have the best friends and family in the world to support me. We'll see how this goes.

Some Deep, Some Shallow

Few things I want to talk about.
I saw my reflection in a big window the other day and it was weird - I've always saw myself as a child. A little teenager. But this time, I looked at my reflection, and I saw a man. An adult. It was crazy. Nice to know I'm actually growing up.
Sort of.
Second, related, I was walking down the hall today and the thought popped into my head, someday I'm going to be married. Me, a married man. Weird, huh? Yeah. Can you picture me as a married person? I can't either.

Let's shift the focus to others for a minute. Something great happened - for the first time in a long time, I got to hang out with STEVIE! Yay, Stevie! She's so great. And oh the fun we had.
Iron Legion got knocked out of the playoffs today. Bummer.
Malawi's pizza. Not only is it delicious, but every meal youy buy, they donate a nutritious meal to an African orphan. Neat, huh? And great food. I was invited by a friend of mine, Ashley. She's a very nice girl.
We did photo critiques in today's class. My portrait of Brad received rave reviews. Fun.
I got to pick up some things from my friend Kelsey's apartment too. Actually, she reads my blog. But we had fun today, and now I think I'm willing to give her the approving nod.
(nod)
I have a lot to do. These last few days have been insane. there's just way too much going on. I hope things calm down soon.

They probably won't. We have to learn to live and survive treading water, so to speak. It's hard to keep your head up but you can never give in, ever. Have faith and you will be supported.
Love and peace, goodnight.

I have a good life. I love you all, goodnight.

I'm At Chelsey's

Chelsey/Cassidy residence/Clayton residence. Chelsey, my good friend, is back from BYU Idaho for the weekend. It's very nice to see her and Cassidy again. I'm going to let Cass write a paragraph.

connor is very  rad. and

i am wit really stupid boys except con and bran


con is on a spon and he ate a prawn

Chelsey helped. Neither of them got very far.
Needless to say.
Friends came over and now the atmosphere is distracting! I will report later. Farewell...

I'm Not On Facebook, I'm Blogging

I have a great family. I have wonderful friends. And I owe everything to them.
Anyway, now the ConBlog cat is out of the bag thanks to a nosy couple friends of mine *cough cough*Courtney!*cough*Kelsey*Koff*! And there may or may not have been a big conversation on Facebook discussing this page. There was. *cough*

Ahem.

There are those of you out there who would suppose it appropriate to find and read my secret blog without a formal invitation. I cannot stop you. And who knows, maybe you may even learn a thing or two from my mindless ranting. Maybe you laugh once or twice. Point is, this is a very private and personal web log, and should it become overexposed, I will take action. Meaning changing the URL. Or deleting it altogether.
Now I'm starting to think I should have gone through with my plan to create a decoy blog. Moving on!

So much happened today. Let's discuss.
I got to pull the thing for the bus to stop today. For the first time! It was awesome.
Yesterday was speed dating. That was an interesting thing. now I'm not gonna name names, but it's common knowledge that my life with girls has been on something of a hiatus for a long time, and now there's a few local women who have been drawing my interest lately. It's nothing.
Bought new art supplies.

Also, I just got pulled over for the first time! Just like an hour ago! it was so sick. I got off scot-free, of course, I was just a little drowsy and not the best at staying in my lane. Sometimes police officers are actually nice. My advice: be honest.

Earlier, I made a trip to the Provo Temple to do baptisms with buddy Sean. Wednesday afternoon.

Bad choice.

To say it was packed is an understatement. Now the waiting I could handle, but there were a lot of youth in there simply not sustaining the level of reverence appropriate for the temple. Those of you who do Baptisms for the Dead, please remember to be reverent. I'm sure you're fine, it's mostly the deacons. I love deacons though. I used to be one even.
I helped Brad write a song about crazy people. Talk about irony.
Anyway, after tomorrow, it's the weekend! I'm excited! Are you excited? Of course you are.
Got a lot ahead of us, do we not? I have more to write, I just can't think of it right now. Until next update, followers!

Correction & Continuation

So those last few posts...I tried to do it from my phone via SMS text. Didn't work out too well. I guess it breaks it up like that...oh well. If you can figure out a way to read them all chronologically, this here is Part 2.

The Draper Utah Temple. After my terrible terrible morning I went there and you know what? It was all better. In fact, it turned into one of the best days in a while. While I was in there, waiting to do Baptisms for the Dead, I found a scripture. Two, actually. Ether 6: 9-10.

And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither a whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.

What a great set of words. I rarely feel the Spirit as strongly as I did that day. I really made somthing of the day too. I got a lot done, including a visit to Rachel for the first time since she got out of the hospital, and she's doing great; I couldn't be happier.

And now, there's a lot I'm excited for in the next month, from now until the beginning of November - a lot. One thing I want to mention now...

ABIII. The new album from Alter Bridge, probably the best American band out there. It's been 3 years since Blackbird, their last release, and it's about time for a new one. From what I've heard, it's gonna be awesome. I suggest you look up their first 2 albums if you've never heard them. Heck, even my sister likes them, and she's weird.
Anyway, I'm gonna do my best to keep up goodness for the rest of the fall break. See ya soon!

But everythings ok now, and do you know why? I will tell you.

To be continued...

y, and reasoning will all be nil. That's what I experienced this morning. And it took me a nap and a while to figure it out. Irony, huh? So that sucked.

(cont. From previous post) if you are a smart person and you get 3 hours, you become a stupid person. You don't even realize it but your awareness, memor

isn't enough.
Thing is, you can feel like you're totally awake and totally sharp, but you're not. (cont. In next post)

of my own stupidity, which is pretty much the prime factor of the whole deal. I couldn't think! And so I testify to you the value of sleep--3 hours just

ve up on my plans and started heading home I was on the verge of a breakdown. Half because of the universe for taking a dump on my face, and half because

.

I was off to a pretty bad start this morning. And when I say that I mean really bad. I got lost, I got confused, and I got forgotten. by the time I ha

said on an earlier post how I might get to do some fun stuff with a couple friends thursday morning? Well its thursday afternoon.
That's right.

Nothin

So I'm just sitting on my couch right now. Turns out I can text to the blog and it goes right on there.

Today has been interesting. So, you know how I

Let's see if I can update my blog from my phone...

The History of Iron Man, part 2: The Golden Avenger

Tales of Suspense #39 was a hit and so was Iron Man so, in the next issue of Tales, Stan Lee decided to bring him back.

Iron Man's second story featured him fighting a giant caveman called Gargantus, who in the end (spoiler alert) turned out to be a robot controlled by aliens. As silly as it sounds, this kind of story was likeable in the early 60s. Earlier in the issue, Iron Man had saved some people at the circus when the big cats got loose, but was saddened when he heard the people commenting on how fearsome and ugly he looked in his cold grey armor. And so, Tony Stark painted the suit gold.

Gold has been on almost every variation of the suit since 1963 when it first debuted.

Iron Man became the central character of the Tales of Suspense series indefinately and in the months following his shiny makeover he had many adventures fighting Communists, monsters, robots, aliens, and Warlords.

But the most significant event in Iron Man's run since his origin wasn't in his own magazine.

In September of 1963 Stan Lee again created a new super team: The Avengers! Instead of creating original characters for a team, however, he dicided to collect some of Marvel's more outstanding independents and get them together to fight the mad menace of Loki, Thor's foster brother and God of mischief and deception. Iron Man, Thor, The Hulk, The Wasp, and Ant Man joined forces to defeat the fiend, and, accomplishing victory, realized the potential of a super team. And so, with Iron Man shining brightly in his golden armor among their ranks, Earth's mightiest heroes--The Avengers--were born.

Dirty Is As Dusty Does

Hello friends. Today is Wednesday and because of Fall break I'm done with classes for the week, yay! A few things to report. Um, for those of you who are in on my court case and all of that...It's coming along. We've got some new options that we're gonna try and hopefully we can get this behind us and move on as fast as possible.
I met with my Stake President from my home ward for a talk about everything. President Pugh is one of the greatest men I have ever met. The Spirit is so strong with him...I admire him a lot. I mean, this is a guy who has a Masters in Business Administration from Harvard and spends his days doing work for the church and straight up helping people.

Anyway, moving on. Some good things that happened this week -I spent about 16 hours working on my term history paper, including two consecutive all nighters, almost, but I finished! But when I went to class the day it was due, teacher reminded us to turn in our term papers next week. I cried. I got to play at open mic night last Wednesday, and then celebrate my friend Kelsie's 19th birthday. Both went pretty well, I suppose. And also I got to visit my wonderful friend Stevie! That's always really nice.
Right now Josh is playing Medal of Honor, EA's new COD Killer. It's pretty cool--There's this guy named Dusty, he has a full beard and wears sunglasses at night. He's so sick. Someday I will be that awesome.

I'm planning on drawing some pictures today. And tomorow I'm going back to Sandy for the first part of the weekend. Thursday I'm gonna do my photography assignment, which is to photograph a day in my life from morning to night. If I'm lucky I'll get to hang out with a couple good friends and hit up the Temple. We'll see.

I Am A Prideful Man

Or boy, I should say. What I believe is that a priesthood holder is a boy until he returns honorably from his mission, and then he is a man. Like a rite of passage. So someday I will be a man. For now, I am a prideful boy. The reason I bring it up is because we had an exceptionally powerful lesson in church today - both in sunday school and in priesthood. Two lessons, really. What I took away from them are these points:

1 - Humility. One of the most Christlike attributes. Pride is so abundant these days, humility is something I realize I, and everyone, needs to strive for constantly always.
I don't know the proper grammar for that last sentence.
So starting now I will strive to be more humble, and I invite you to join me.

2 - Everyone is a child of God. EVERYONE. This one hit me the hardest because it made me realize how much I treat people as lesser than myself, or judge people I do not know. So many times I have been rude to people because I don't like the way they live or the choices they make, but what I need to realize is that every person is the same as me. They are all children of Heavenly Father and He loves them just as much as he loves me. Or you. Or anyone. And if you think of people in this way, maybe we can love everyone else a little more, at least.

3 - Selflessness. The greatest honor is giving yourself or your interests up for the benefit of another. The proper way to think is "it is not about me. it is about others. it is about God." Not my will, but Thine be done. That kind of thing. The way that people are programmed to think these days is "what's in it for me?" But that isn't right. What can you do for others? How can you serve?
In Star Wars Episode III, Palpatine says good is a point of view.
This is not true. Good is an absolute--it is the force that drives the will of God on earth. Or rather the result of that force, the result or identity of the will of God. God is good. The way of God is good. And it is as simple as that. There is no grey area. And this way is to sacrifice yourself for others. Help others. Love one another. That is the greatest Good. Love others as you would love yourself, if not more. Referring to point 2, we can use this perpective to help us love others and to be more humble, as I mentioned for point 1. See how the points relate? It all makes sense. It's all part of the plan. So to conclude by "brief" examination of these points, I would say this: Love every child of God as you would love yourself and more. Love them as He would want you to and as He does want you to. Be humble. Be selfless. Dedicate yourself to service. Through this, you will be more fulfilled than you could ever be in the ways of the world.
I used to tell myself, if everyone looks out for themself, everyone has someone looking out for them. But I was wrong.
If everyone looks out for each other, than everyone has a whole world looking out for them. And that is the way we should live.

Next, I have this: Scripture.
Micah Chapter 5 Verses 7-15 and 3 Nephi Chapter 12 Verses 12-29

In Micah, which is Old Testament, the prophet Micah speaks of the fate of the Lord's children in the last days. Compare his words to 3 Nephi, where Christ is speaking to the Nephites. Jesus quotes Micah almost exactly. And the references in both chapters, especially 3 Nephi apply directly to us today. We are the remnants of Jacob that Jesus speaks of, spread in the midst of the Gentiles like "a lion among the beasts of the forests". I strongly recommend you read and compare these chapters.

Now, I'm going to detach from Church topics for the rest of the post and do a week wrapup.
The highlight that I want to mention first is that I finally got to hang out with Stevie!  She makes this cake - Better Than Sex cake, as it were, but I prefer to call it Better Than Makeout Cake, and it's soooo good. Really, that good. We went to California Pizza Kitchen, too and it was delicious, which is what I had heard. Yeah it lived up to the expectations. Now Stevie's going to hate me for putting this on the internet but she has the most amazing voice. I only got to hear it for 2 seconds because for some reason one of my best friends is shy to sing in front of me.
I know, right?
But I will get her to sing. A whole song. And you bet your cinnamon buns I'm going to love it.

I also got to hang out with a really great friends Lexi and Tabitha, Friday and Saturday nights, respectively. We watched some movies. Robert Downey Jr. movies!

He is so sick. My favorite actor. I haven't seen a movie he's in that I didn't love. He's been in some movies that would normally be pretty crappy but he just makes it. And I honestly believe he is the most talented actor of his generation.













I have a lot of homework to do but I want to mention one more thing -- my friend Rachel. She is alive! I was terrified when she got in her accident but she's a real trooper and she's doing just great now, which makes me so happy. Rachel, I'm glad you're doing so well. I'll visit you again soon.

That's all for now(as if it wasn't enough). I have a good life. Farewell, my dear followers!

The History Of Iron Man, Part 1: He Lives! He Walks! He Conquers!

It began in March of 1963. Marvel Comics writer Stan Lee was on a roll, having created Spider-Man, The Fantastic Four, and Thor in the preceding year, all of which would quickly become flagship characters for the label, and eventually star in TV shows, video games, and movies. His next major creation came in Tales of Suspense issue #39, titled Iron Man Is Born! The issue was scripted by Lee's brother Larry Lieber based on a story that Lee wrote himself, and was penciled by legendary artist Don Heck.

At the time, Vietnam was the most violent place in the world and the war itself was picking up faster and faster. Communism was public enemy number one and war profiteers were a close second. Perhaps the reason Iron Man has been so popular throughout his history was because of his constantly-updating relevance to current events, as was portrayed in his origin and, more recently, his movie. Since Iron Man's identity and powers are technology-driven and man-made, the character has been able to continue updating itself to keep up with the times, resulting in a lasting quality that a lack of has caused other heroes to fade into obscurity.

And so, in this time when weapons manufacturers, industrialists and many politicians were hated by the general public of the United States for their critical involvement in an increasingly unpopular war, Stan Lee had the idea to take one of these despised characters and make him one of the most admired and cherished fictional peronas in culture: a super hero. But how could he create a protagonist who exemplified this position but was still likeable and believeable as a hero?

The answer came in Anthony Edward Stark, a young, handsome, charming, wealthy, and intelligent playboy industrialist weapons designer who made millions selling his futuristic inventions to the United States government. He was exactly the kind of man America loved to hate. Tony was based on Howard Hughes - he was a test pilot for the future, strong-willed, genius, and a just a little bit insane.In Tales #39, we are introduced to the character as he demonstrates his new invention to the Army, deep in the heart of the Communist empire--Vietnam. After the demonstration, Tony and his military escort are walking through the jungle back to the base when the escort springs an explosive booby trap.

 Lying wounded on the jungle floor, Tony is discovered and captured by the red leader Wong-Chu, and when Tony awakens, he is informed of the grim truth: in the explosion, a piece of shrapnel was lodged in his chest and draws nearer to piercing his heart with every beat. They tell Tony that he is to make weapons for them, and if he does, they will save him. He knows they're lying. With the help of fellow prisoner and scientist Ho Yinsen, He constructs an invincible iron suit, the chestpiece of which will keep his heart beating as long as he is wearing it and it is charged. But as Tony finishes dressing himself in the armor, Wong-Chu's men become suspicious and come to investigate. In order to buy Tony more time, Yinsen selflessly uses himself as a distraction, and is murdered by the reds. Tony then blasts his way out of the compound, freeing himself and avenging his good friend's death.

The issue was a hit. Iron Man was becoming popular and it was still the beginning of a long and still-running reign for the righteous Golden Avenger.

To be continued...

Rrrrr...

Things always spin out of control.

I hate it and I'm being a control freak and I know it but come on, it's human nature to want to be in control of things. Especially the things I know are best. I know I have to choose what's right and do the right thing but I'm being tossed around by circumstances and life right now and it seems that nothing that happens is up to me. That I have no influence over what happens in my own life. In fact I know I don't. No one does. No one gets to decide one thing about what happens to them, only what we do about it.
It sucks, right?
Am I being teased or something? I know I have a great life. An amazing life, really, and I'm thankful for all of it, truly. But sometimes it seems like something so great is just out of my reach, and right when I'm getting close it turns to dust. Or spits in my face or something like that.
I want what's best for my loved ones, I really do. But how can I help that when they're doing what isn't necessarily best for themselves? I don't know. And they make up their minds. I try to help them acheive or do what's best but they want something else and now and they're not looking far enough ahead to see what I am. And I'm sure it goes the other way. I know there's people who just think, "Connor, come on. Help me out here, you're being stupid and you need to listen and realize sometimes your own perspective isn't enough." And I bet I'm the same way about it too. "Nope, I got this. I know what I'm doing, and I'll be fine."
You can never accept that the choices you make, we make I should say, that are what we want right now, down the road they can lead to a million terrible things.
You see, people start to miss something that may be gone for good reason, or want something, and they want or miss it so bad that they go looking for it, and they force themselves to find it, often in a place or person that isn't the best. We want it so bad we don't really think about where we get it from as long as we get it. And that's what goes down that road, where bad things happen. I've seen it countless times. And I have to admit, I haven't always handled my friends going down that path in the best way. It's been some dark stuff for me too. But it's so worth it to take your time, and think, and make sure that what you're getting is the real deal, the best there is. Sometimes you need to ask someone close to you who cares about you what that may or may not be. But nobody wants to. It's worth it to make sure that what you're getting isn't just a quick fix for this desire you have. Maybe the desire itself isn't even of any real inportance. It's ok to listen to your friends.
Maybe this thing you want isn't meant for you to worry about for a long time. Maybe it's been in front of you for a long time, hiding, or right in your face, and you haven't noticed it. Point is, we should be striving for what we know is best for us. Being a futurist, I try to look ahead as far as I can. But sometimes to get a better view you need another pair of eyes. If you cover up one of your own eyes, you lose depth perception and can't see how far away things are. But as soon as you bring in that other eye, which is looking from a different angle, things become clear. They become deep and the dimensions really come out. And you can see how far away these things really are. And how far they really go, and where.
Now hopefully my blog hasn't been compromised and only a few of my close friends are able to read this, so I can say things in such a way that I can make it be like me speaking to you, you few who I am comfortable expressing myself to. I want what's best for all of my loved ones. I wish they knew how serious I am about that. I wish you knew. If I mean anything by all of this that I'm writing, it's that I'm right here, guys. I've always been here and I always will be right here.



On another note, conference just ended. Gotta say I like it more every time. Monson is such a stud! Maybe I'm growing up. I'm growing closer to the gospel and it's good, I can feel it. Everything that happens now hits me harder and stronger. It's like my sensitivity to emotion and the Spirit are amplified. I feel stronger spiritually and more righteous. I feel like I stand tougher and it's easier to choose and stand for what's right. Feels great. I hope I can shed some of that off on others. IF they don't take me for granted.
It happens.

Oh well. That's all I got for now. Love and peace, adios