The Beginning Of...

...The End.

I'm killing the blog. This will be one of the last posts.

Why?

Why not?

I sort of realized, a blog is not a good thing. Not for me. This site is little more than a place where I can complain and drone...usually about things that are not important. And the things that are important don't belong here. They belong in my journal, and in my example, my behavior.
Blogs in general are not bad. Mine's not even bad. It's just not good. It is a testament to my ego and a monument of my narcissism. ConBlog has no real weight in the positive direction of my life, and likely no weight in the direction of my audience.
Another point. Why do I even post? I guess a few people read it, but I don't know how many and how often. It doesn't matter. This is, and I don't love to say this, but it's a waste of time. If I was famous I would sustain a blog, for my hundreds of fans. When I'm a missionary maybe I will, for my family and closest friends.
The ConBlog, though, aside from it's brief and sporadic flashes of real depth and greatness and appeal, is a joke.

I don't need to write out every little insignificant thing. There are more standardized means for my independent expression. I feel self-absorbed having a whole website dedicated to just me, especially when I am nothing with out my friends, my family, and most prominently my God, whom I love. More than I love Iron Man.
But isn't that what my facebook is, too? Yeah. Maybe I'll get to that in a while. What I can do is try using my Facebook more for interaction that narcissism. That's a different subject.

What's going on right here, now, is that the blog is ending, and I'm deciding whether or not to totally delete it as well. We'll see. For those who have read, thank you for reading. For those of you who have blogs that I read, I will probably to continue to read them. Because they please me.

And now, as these final words go into the site, I humbly retire ConBlog. It has been an interesting ride, though short, and I must admit there have been times I've enjoyed it. I now enter into a new age, one where I hopefully use the word "I" less. I want to say some words first. To the ones who I understand have access to this blog.

No specific order.

Sean and Brandon, and Brad..? My loyal followers, I have enjoyed our friendship. Long live the crew.

Roommates, and Paige, you're around enough that you don't need my blog to keep track of me. Please continue to be good and a good example to me. Paige, you cut hair like an angel.

Stevie. My friend. You're a part of the reason I even started this. Yours is also way better than mine. Along with a lot of things. You know how I feel about you.

Kelsie/Haley - how on earth did you even find ConBlog? Whatever. I like you both enough to not get mad. Don't change. Too much.

Rachel, I don't know if you'll ever see this, because you're not on my followers anymore, but I've missed you. You're a very good person. Tell the fam I say hi. And Tara, you're pretty cool. I've enjoyed the growth of our friendship.

Courtney/Kelsey - Troublemakers. Snoopers. You snaked my blog. No biggie. I hope you enjoyed it. I definitely enjoy Courtney's. Hey, you're both alright. I enjoy our good times..?

Lexi, I know you're new here. You're special. Come see me more often.

Tab, I don't know where we are at right now. But now my blog is going away. You know what that means? Yes. No more reading my "secrets." I don't know what's going to happen. That's all I have to say.

Did I forget anyone? Sorry if I did.

Last thing. I love my family and I love my church. The LDS church is true and it is right. I am trying to be the best person I can. Everything I have is a gift and a blessing. I give thanks for all I have.



Goodbye.

I am grateful for my patriarchal blessing and the Priesthood.

A Repeating Absence Of Success

I should write a book on getting in the friend zone and never getting out. Because I'm so good at it!

Maybe because I'm scared to ever try anything. But it's out of politeness! Maybe because I was a late bloomer (so what?) and I don't ever know what I'm doing or what to do. I've been lucky a few times. But I guess I can't always be. Not with this. Ha ha ha

So let's talk about my date. I don't like putting other people's names on the internet, so we'll make up the name "Jan" and that will be my date's name. Jan has been in my English class, I've always wanted to talk to her, she's pretty, but I've never had the courage for more than a hello or the occasional note passed in class. Dang. A mutual friend in the class set us up on the date. I said ok.
I picked her up, on time, met her family, we went to a friend's apartment to make pizza. Surprisingly not that awkward. Talking was ok. Watched a movie, sat next to each other on the couch, took her home, end of date.

Then I bought groceries. And I went home. I looked good though.

What should I think? Jan is really cool. We'll see, I guess.

Just the fact that I went on a date, finally, with someone new, I think is a step in the right direction. I'll just have to decide how to make that second step.

Thanksgiving is in like, five days. I love that. Happy.

I don't really have much else to say...so I won't say anything. Thanks for reading, it makes me feel loved.

I am grateful for friends.

Answering Questions

Remember how I said I had a weird feleing about Tuesday night? I said a prayer, right?
Everything was fine, if not...well, incredible.
Saw Bodom again. It was brief, just eight songs, but their energy, and their musical creativity shatter my universe every time I hear them. And live, it's something else. Children Of Bodom, thank you. You will always be one of my favorite artists.
Black Label Society, you rock. Zakk Wylde is a living legend. I'm blessed to be able to have seen you perform twice in my short life.
Clutch. I know we just met, but I really, really like you. Why didn't you tell me you were so bluesy? I look forward to hanging out with you more in the future.
2cents, you are dirty and vulgar. But you play some good metal. I like your Pantera cover. Maybe I'll download you later.  If you release an edited version. Don't try to make me say the F word anymore.
Stevie, you should have come. Work sucks. You know I like doing stuff with you? Yeah. Sooooo, Idunno. I get that you have to work and you have so much on your plate. But it's been since, like, your birthday. Ugh, whatever.

Spirit, I'm sorry I went somewhere that you can't hang out. Good to have you back. I promise I'm taking good care of myself when you're not around. Please stick around though.

About last night. Playing the blues is fun. I got to hit up my ward talent show and I'm confident that they liked it. Except, my tongue got twisted up and I accidentally said, "Let's sex things up a little." In Church. My bad...
I bet my performance would have been better if I wasn't making the whole thing up on the spot.

"They won't catch us. We're on a mission. From God."

I like God.

You know how I said I have a new system? Part of that was...coming out of my shell. As my friend would put it. Did put it. Apparently I need to come out of my shell since I've been in college...what, three months? And I've not really even made any new friends...or met any girls.
I'm shy. Sue me.
But with the encouragement of some buddies and buddettes, I decided I should at least try. And I am. I thought about talking to a girl at the bus stop the other day. But I didn't.
It was scary!
But today I talked to a guy in my photo class during lab work and we got to talking! And then more people started talking to us! And now I kind of know some people in my photo class! But they're all old. They're still cool though.

While I was developing film, a really attractive girl walked through the room. There was one thought going through my head:

Please don't be married, please don't me married, please don't be married...

I don't know. Here's the big news.

I have a date tomorrow night!!!
With a girl!!!
From college!

Not a high school girl, not a college girl I already knew, a real college girl! From college.
And I actually think she's pretty cool. Don't expect much though. Out of this, I'm saying. Let's be realistic. First college date. Goin' nowhere...

I forget who reads my blog and who doesn't.
Oh well. I no longer care.

I love Conan O'Brien. He's back on TV. I think he's the funniest man alive. Really. I watch Conan every night sometimes. It's the best. Tonight, I am thankful for Conan.

Bosco, I haven't talked to you in a few days. I don't know if I should. I don't think you even want to talk to me. I don't ever know what you want. It seems to be whatever I'm not doing at the time. I don't even know if you know what you want. Do you want me to apologize? Shower you with gifts and kind words? Leave you alone forever? Because I will. Despite what I've said, I will do it. I'm not even a little bit joking.
Yeah, I'm terrible, but at least I'm consistently terrible.
If that's what you want. Because, whether you think so or know so or not, that's what I've always put first. I don't care if you don't believe me. Not yet, though. I'm still around if you need me.

Thanksgiving is only a week away. Can't wait!
I have a lot to do tomorrow. I should probably be getting to bed. As I am working through things, I'm realizing I need to be looking forward more, and nowhere less.

Also, the church.

I've been pretty good. Here's to further improvement.

I have a weird feeling about tonight. Said a prayer.

Let's see how this goes.

Today, I am grateful for retribution. Whatever that really means.

Speak Your Mind

Hey, there's this thing that I like. The game apples to apples. It's actually really fun. You know what I hate?
Playing it with idiots!
Ha :).
Really though. This girl I'm playing with. Obnoxious as can be. Louder than a bag of sun chips and more thoughtless than a beach rock.
"I don't even pick the one that makes sense, I just pick whichever one I like the most hahahahahahahahahaha!"

Oh yeah? Do you know? Well then there's a different game you might want to try, it's called GO HOME!

No big deal. I'm actually laughing about this.

Actually, I have a paper do tomorrow that I should start. I'll do it in a minute.

Tomorrow night:

Children Of Bodom live. To this day, their last concert here was the best one I've ever been to. I am a proud member of COBHC.

I would like a job reading books on tape. "...and Lawrence hung his coat by the stairs. A look back, and he knew he couldn't stay. Heck, his boots were already on. So why did he hang his coat up just now? Was it out of fear? Fear of the guilt that was sure to come if he didn't make restitution for his wrongs? He let out a sigh. Lawrence knew what he had to do."

You like that? Imagine my voice reading it melodramatically. Oh, I wrote that, too. Just now.
That's why it was boring.

Now that it's November, I'd like to try expressing more gratitude for the many things in my life. So I'll drop those in via text before bed.

I need to go to work now. But I would first like to report on a new...system, if you will. I think I'm figuring things out and I might be able to make more things work. I know I can't control everything. And I shouldn't really want to. Hopefully I'll get to see some old friends again soon. It's sad that I think of them as "old."
Oh well.

That's all for now. I could keep dragging this on like I have been but I won't.
Excpet one thing--
Kidding!

Goodnight.

P.S.--

kidding again. See ya.

I always knew that it could, but I never thought that it would.

Let me detach, let me worry, for I hold no weight in the growth of another.

This same problem is recurring in my life.

I've built these relationships, these friendships, some of them very close, so naturally I have some kind of mutual connection to people that I've come to know and shared memories with etc.
These are people I care about.
So naturally, if something were to happen, I would be...upset, let's say. This is something you can relate to, right? Of course. Unless you're a fiend.
No offense.

Now there's not a lot of these people. But there are some.
Anyway, this thing that I'm talking about. We all have our own lives. The home teachers were over today and they're great and they taught me about distractions and what's really important.
It made me realize I've been distracted. The details of that are insignificant, but somehow I've always been able to find excuses to neglect my friends and family. And I have ignored my friends. I've made little effort to even talk to some of them lately. Some of you, I guess. It's really easy to get wrapped up in all the distractions of my life so that I just turn a blind eye to that of my friends.
This is the hard part: I spend all this time neglecting these relationships that when I finally snap out of it, the relationships aren't what they used to be. They deteriorate. And while the strongest ones can hold on for quite some time, the newer, more fragile ones tend to...slow down. And when that happens, I fear and have seen the results of any good influence I may be...it fades. Fortunately, the bad influence that I am, which is much more dominant, is also gone. But I try to be a good influence, and when I'm not there, it isn't supported. Looking at this, it's kind of an arrogant thought, but past experience has shown me that in some cases it's hard to put faith in those whom you have supported once you're not right there to support. I know I need to work on that. I should have faith in my friends, but...I am a realist. And reality sometimes means that the faith is misplaced and without hope...gosh, that's a dark concept. Not faith in the Lord, which is never misplaced, but faith in my influence to remain strong and supporting when I'm not there, and faith in those whom I have tried to give it to to continue to use it.
I will work on it. Faith in my friends. That's why they are my friends. Because they are people of a caliber that I have realized is strong enough for me to spend my time and love on.

Relationships are like escalators. They can move forward or back, but they can never just stay still. Those are stairs. And that's a different thing. So forget about it.

And here's the other side of the coin. My friends' influence on me. If I'm not there, how can their, your influence and care retain on me?
But don't worry. I'm not thinking in so self-absorbed of a way that I think that all of my friends are just constantly worrying and thinking about me, simply because I haven't shot them a text in a week or so, or something like that. Like I said, we all have our own lives.
But just in case my vain thoughts are true, just know that you can have faith in me. Because I have faith in myself. I'm confident that I know what's right and I'm trying my best to choose and do what is right always, so that I can be the best I can now and forever, and I'm looking ahead. Very, very far ahead. And there is hope.

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[Sudden change of tone - lighter]
Having grown up in Seattle, I've always been a fan of the Mariners, the Seahawks, and the Seattle SuperSonics. But they don't exist anymore! They got moved and became the Oklahoma City Thunder! And even though I live in Utah, I was still a fan of the Sonics, and when they changed, I still wasn't a big supporter of the Jazz.
Until this week.

I love the Jazz! I realized how cool they were and I never noticed. Especially Deron Williams. He's so sick. I love his beard. Now I am a Jazz fan officially.

And you know what else makes me happy? THIS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0L2br7XsCI

Sick again.
I've been a bum this weekend. I should get on my feet and get it in gear. As soon as I'm healthy.

I think an easy thing to do would be to update the blog every night before sleep with a quick post from my phone. Starting tomorrow. Tonight if you count this.

I find it a lot easier to talk to girls if I pretend I am Tony Stark.

Every road leads to another, and all roads lead home.

The History of Iron Man, Part 3: Red Hot, Red Armor

Now that Iron Man was starring regularly in his own magazine, Tales of Suspense, and his team magazine The Avengers, Stan Lee felt ready and comfortable to move the character forward in new ways. But as Iron Man's popularity increased, Lee noticed a distinction in the success of Tales of Suspense over other super hero magazines--Iron Man received more fan mail from women than any other superhero. The reason for this was unclear, but many Marvel editors had hunches. Perkaps it was because Tony Stark was portrayed as such a stud and so attractive to women in the comic that he was attractive to women in real life? Perhaps the women liked that the Iron Man comics all took place in upper-class situations, where famous stars, fancy cars, and nice houses were regularities, due mostly to the wealth of the main character. Stan Lee's own theory was that women loved Iron Man because he was a strong man with a weak heart, women felt nurturing and caring of him, because he was so vulnerable in this one aspect, which he kept secret from the general public.

Inside Iron Man's fictional universe, he continued to defeat villain after villain, mostly communists, month by month. But Stan felt he was repeating the same formula for his Iron Man stories. Iron Man would get attacked by a villain, barely survive, almost run out of juice for his heart, barely recharge in time, then come back and beat the villain using some new idea or invention. In Tales of Suspense #48, he tried to kill two birds with one stone: Provide a new and exciting villain and plot for Iron Man, and do away with the high frequency of his recharging. The answer was Mr. Doll, a villain who made voodoo dolls of his enemies that would cause them real pain. He defeated Iron Man once, and Tony barely escaped and charged his heart in time to survive. But he realized his armor was too clunky and too much of a strain on him. So he built a new suit, one that was more streamlined, more compact, but just as tough, and now sporting a hot rod red paint job as well as the original gold. Not only did the lighter suit make Iron Man more powerful and less bulky, providing less strain on his heart, but Mr. Doll did not have a doll for it, and Iron Man was able to defeat him. The design varied, but the red and gold design has recurred ever since.

What's Next?

I'm constantly thinkning of new ways to improve the Blog.
Shorter posts? Nah. Maybe.
Pictures. I want to have more pictures in my posts, I guess that's just a matter of getting past my laziness.
Definately more humor. A funny blog is a fun blog to read and that's what I want this to be. Because all serious all the time is no fun. But I don't have that cleverness to always put something funny in here. I will try though. But not too hard.
The blog will evolve, how, I don't know, but it will.

For the past few months, I have been illustrating a novel, it is my fourth book, and yesterday I finished. All done. It feels so good to have that behind me. I can breathe now. Buy my books.
I made an audio voice log while I was drawing one of the pictures for it...I'm thinking of uploading that. Good idea? We'll see. I only like my voice sometimes. One of my dream jobs is a narrator or books on tape or something like that. How do you get that job? There's really so much to do...Maybe with my new time I'll be able to do someting cool...like sleep.

Oh, something I forgot. Regarding improving the blog, I want to do one more thing to it. I want to make myself sound like a BA. So people read it and are like, this guy is sick. But doing that and coming off not cocky is gonna be hard, considering I write it. But how do I be a BA on my blog? Hmmmm...I will think about this.
P.S. This is my first post made in class. Hold the applause, please. Thank you.

The irony is that some of my best friends are some of the worst texters in the world.

Curveball

The stuff you realize late at night.

My name is Connor Ross Martin, and welcome to my life through a computer screen.

I've come to realize that there's someone protecting me. Everyone has their fair share of trials, and I have, but I can't help but acknowledge, and be thankful for, the fact that I've lived an easy life. That the hardest things I've had to go through were mostly all the result of my own mistakes. And this is happening while so many people I know go through enormous grief and loss that cannot be predicted or controlled. But my greatest overhauls have all been because I did something horrible, and having to correct myself and walk away from that a better person. A few times maybe I even did.
There was a time in my life where I was not an honest person. Even now, I'm not the most honest person, but I try to be, and I feel truly that I'm ok. But once, honesty meant nothing to me.
And it all came back. Hard.
Sometimes reality is hard to accept. But it's reality.
Anyway, to come forward a little bit, something happened last night. A series of bizarre circustances put an old friend of mine in a position where he was out of options and needed someone to help him out. And I did. What it meant was a long drive late at night in my parent's car. And on the way, I missed hitting a deer by about 2 inches. I had only seen it because there was a car coming the other way that hit it with its headlights. Lemme explain something to you. This was Three o' clock in the morning. There were no other cars. There hadn't been any other cars. And the only one that I saw on almost this whole drive was there right then to light up this deer. And the deer didn't stop. It look right into my headlights and kept running, and I braked and barely, barely missed it. If that car wasn't there, or that deer had stopped in my headlights, my parent's car would be trashed and my friend and I would have been stranded miles from home.
I dare you to call that coincidence. I double dare you.
But eventually we got the thing done.
And on the way home I got to talk with this friend whom I have known for a long time and haven't seen in a while.
We talked about missions. He asked me what I was going to do.
I told him I am going to send my papers in this April and wait for my call and go serve the Lord with faith and obedience. That is decided. Try and stop me.
Then he asked why, or rather, what made me decide.
That was something to think about. And I did think about it. Why am I going on a mission? Because my mom wants me to? Because my church leaders encourage me to? There were a million real reasons why, but none of them felt rock-solid and deep and pressing. Yes, they are all reasons, but I couldn't feel any of them in my heart and my spirit. I felt...well, dampened. Like I'm kind of mindlessly going in this direction without meaning. And this same question, why, related back a little bit. I wasn't always the best kid. I wasn't well behaved and I wasn't respectful of myself or anyone. I didn't make good choices. But I wanted to change. I wanted to put all that behind me and start doing right by who knows what. And here is that same question. Why? Why didn't I just keep living how I was living? Why did I care to start letting the gospel dictate my life? To start listening to my parents and start preparing for my mission? I can't think of a reason. Why did I? Yes, there are reasons like, because the way you were living was bad for you, and because in the long term you're better off if you can improve. But those didn't feel like the right reasons for me. Just good ones. Why was I, Connor, trying to escape the chaos? Maybe I had a good reason at the time and I've just forgotten what it was. Heaven knows that's more than plausible. But as for reasons why I try to be better, and why I'm going on a mission, I couldn't find that reason that filled me with its truth in my core, like when you take in a big deep breath of air and you can feel your lungs swell. All of these reasons, and the desicions themselves, felt like they were stopping on some sort of shell, and they couldn't get in to my heart for me to feel them in that way. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had no depth.
But there was a reason. A simple one. And because I'm so logical and calculating of a desicion-maker, most of my choices have been based off logic and foresight, not feeling or inspiration. And this answer didn't stray far from home. Why am I going on a mission?

Because it's the right thing to do.

I wear a CTR ring on my right index finger. Choose the right. I had gone through all of this pondering and the answer was right there on my finger the whole time. Choose the right. In all that you do. And let all that you do be good, and right, that it may be a step toward God, away from ignorance, temptation, darkness, mindlessness and isolation. Let your actions make you a representative of Jesus Christ, and example to all, and a beacon of Faith, Hope, Charity, and Love, with an eye single to the glory of God. And with the other eye on the road. That's what my ring means. And that's why I'm going on a mission.
As to why I started to "change my ways" several months back, I have a faint recollection of my role as a futurist coming into that conflict of choice. Always looking forward. What was it..? Something about how you can make these choices, but they lead nowhere. That's right. That's what it was. It was a matter of logic and calculation. There was more of me figuring this out mentally than being swept by the words of the still small voice. And I believe nothing less than realistic interpretation being the influence of the Holy Ghost on the human thought process. For me, at least. It wasn't a burning in my bosom, it was a brightness in my brain. Thinking lead to me telling myself that these choices will lead down a road that goes to essentially nowhere. It's science. It's reality. Who makes these choices and because of them ends up with a strong family, a successful career, and a solid future? No one. These things I was doing were the epitome of short-sightedness. And short-sightedness if the enemy of futurism, preparedness, and ahievement, all of which are results of desicions made throught the influence of the Holy Ghost. Later on in my life I experienced the spirit in the way and sense of feeling, but then and there, it was thought.

I feel deeper already. But there's more to go. I haven't served my mission yet! But you can bet I'm getting ready, and I'm going to give it everything I have and more.

...because it's the right thing to do.

This became a theme of my conversation with this friend. Goodness comes from making these choices. It should dictate every choice. There is black and white. And right and wrong. But look how people in our world today have twisted and disgraced that. They mutilate what's right and what's wrong to fit what they want and don't want to do. People justify everything they do and then forsake those words that tell them they are wrong. This, my friends, is the dark underbelly of concentrated liberality. Freedom in the darkest sense. Using, or rather abusing, our precious and valuable agency to make choices that are sick and abominable, and then defending themselves, saying it is what they want so it is not wrong. There is right and wrong, and whether someone wants it that way or not, that is how it is. Reality. Actuality. Sometimes it's hard. And sometimes it is harsh to say this to someone, even ourselves, that even though this is what you want, and "love", you are spitting in the face of every gift you are given and every sacrifice made for you to be able to tell yourself, ourselves, that that is ok. That you can do whatever you want and it's ok.
We can do whatever you want. But it is not ok. True freedom is being able to choose and choosing right, taking the step towards a new freedom. Not using the opportunity to do wrong to accually commit wrong, and let that direct your actions. How dare we pick apart this beautiful world and society we are given so that it suits our selfish desires? Should we not shape ourselves to better fit and serve our world? Or brothers and sisters?
I know a man, he is a member of the church, was raised in the church, a nice man, but with a troubled childhood. The details of it I do not know. What I do know is that he did not have the strongest and most secure family growing up. He is a good guy and a good friend. And he believes firmly in the doctrines of the LDS Church.
Except for one. There is one principle that the church teaches that he simply disagrees with, and lives contrary to. But everything else, he believes and supports. How can this be? How can you believe in principles derivative of the word of God Himself, yet ignore one of them, because you wish to live against it?
How could people ever feel so entitled, so arrogant, that they would disregard and element of the church because it does not suit what they want?? How can a child of God twist and make a mockery of the word of God so that it serves their own selfish purpose, or even excuses it?
And to try to correct this desecration of truth, we are wrong?? Am I a bad person because I care to uphold a law of the church of God, who has given me all that I have and ever will have? Because I oppose violation of the meaningful guidance of the words of the Prophets of God? How can someone have faith that a prophet is a prophet, but disregard one of their teachings because it tells them they are wrong?
It is so hard to admit when you're wrong. Anyone reading this knows I can sure improve in that aspect. But it is a matter of throwing away the pride that is putting your own interest above the interest of our world, our fellow man, and our God. To tell oneself that what they're doing is ok and right, for the sake of self-reserve and preservation, and the preservation of one's own way of life, that is the ultimate blindness.
We are not right to ignore and defy truths and laws so that they reserve acceptance of our selfish dictation. Instead, we must shape ourselves to follow this course of truth. How can I change my own ways to follow the path of rightneousness? Not attempt to "correct" the path because it tells me what I'm doing is wrong.
Yes, it's hard to be wrong. But real strength is not in justifying and rationalizing it so it can be continued with peace of mind (which can never come of wrong choices no matter how solid the rationalization is). It is in accepting, forsaking, and reversing it. Humbling oneself, and putting the Lord's will before our own. That is strength.
It is especially hard when another person, who is also imperfect, is telling you you're wrong. You would think, who are you to judge me, and tell me how to live my life? Are you perfect, that you could decide what is best for another human being?
No, they aren't. I get it. But think, would God wish for you to make that choice? That person who is seemingly judging you and telling you how to live your life, how could you give them the satisfaction of submitting to their ideal?
Even if they are wrong to point out your flaws, to accuse you, is that ideal, in its untainted form, an ideal of the Lord? If it is, you may have to do the hardest thing in the world. You may have to accept that ideal, that may be the opposite of what you want, change, and live it. But don't do it because someone else told you to. Do it because the Lord wants you to.
And now to everyone I say this, always, always be loving and selfless toward every child of God you meet, no matter how many laws of God they break, no matter how ignorant they may be, remember, we are all imperfect, you and I are no better than them, on earth or in the eyes of God. And so who are you to judge them, when God loves them just as much as He loves you? Or me?

But for ourselves, we must not attempt to shape what we hear and what the church or the law, or anything tells us, so that it suits what we want. Can we sacrifice what we "want" and shape ourselves and our actions to fit the Lord's way? If everyone were to do this, the world might even be a peaceful place. But what you and I can do is be this righteousness in ourselves. Should God tell us we are contrary to his way, however hard it may be, we must be humble, accept the will of the Lord, and follow his words. It is hard, yes, but I promise it is for our own good and will lead to true happiness. Because He loves us all.

To end this, going back to that story, as I dropped off my friend, he asked why I went to the trouble to help him when no one else would, to sacrifice time and resources to extend a hand of fellowship to a brother in need. Guess what I told him?
Because it was the right thing to do.

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It has recently come to my attention that the world might not be so nice outside my ivory tower. High School was High School, and I knew there were people who didn't like me and thought I was terrible. It happens. But since then, I've been on my own, more an individual in a detached community than an integrated part of a social High School society. I like myself. So I think of myself as someone who is liked. But I have learned not too long ago that that is not the case. There are people who despise me, look don on me and are disgusted by me because of who they think I am. And I will admit, they're right about a lot of it. I am extremely selfish. I am self-absorbed and obnoxious. I can be rude, annoying, and very arrogant.
But guess what? I'm trying to be good. I have the best intentions. So there are people who don't see or know that. I realized this the other day...I DON'T CARE! Yeah, so you may think I'm a stuck up jerk, so what? I know who I am. Especially lately. When a lot of this started in High School I was a cold, calculating, emotionless robot of a person. And arrogant beyond belief. I thought I could make choices for other people because I knew what was best and what was right. Sheeeeeeesh. But that was the old, this is the new. I realize that there are people who don't like me because they don't get it. So I'm trying to make that reflective. If there's a person I don't like for reasons I presume are dominant, I'm trying to forget that, see the good in people and get to know and like them. And you know what? Most of the time it works! People I don't like, once I give them a chance, they can really rub off on me. I think that works for everyone. So try and make this goal with me--to be accepting and loving of everyone, no matter what you think you know, and how you miught feel now. You might be surprised.
And if someone doesn't like you, and you've tried so hard to be nice, and good to them, and to be friends, and they just won't have it...who cares? You don't need everyone to adore you to be the best you can be. in fact, a little opposition can be a good motivation sometimes. Cheers.

I wish I was less awkward. Oh well. Things are crazy right now. But maybe I should be more confident? I don't know.

I'm starting to really miss having a girl in my life.

You know what I mean. A girl. The last one was really shaping up to be great but things just never go according to plan and I got dropped off on a cold streak that's still going to this day. Can you keep a secret? I'm actually pretty sad about that.

I mean, hooking up(Mormon style, of course) is nice...I guess...and fun in its own way. Ha. I won't say that that hasn't happened a couple times... But that's not really what I want. I'm definitely not after a relationship, though. Heavens no. I'm not complaining about this at all, really. I don't even know what I'm doing. Just saying, I guess. I miss it.
But not so much that its bothering me. Because I have great friends right now. And I know that's all I need.

Oh, and just because I said this, don't think it means I'm gonna go off chasing the next broad who winks at me. No, I'm not the person to do something like that. I'll make desicions based on what's right. (Ha ha)
Because it's the right thing to do.

Sandy, I'm Coming Home

Here I am. In my own room in Sandy, Utah. I love it here. I love being in my family's home. I'm starting to realize what's really important. I try to be very, very grateful for the insane amount of greatness in my life.
See, I've got it made. I have an amazing life, that's really really comfortable and easy. And you know what?

I don't even deserve it.

I have great friends. That was proven to me tonight. I have a great family. That was proven to me today. Even if Bowen is a little punk sometimes. Oh, don't get me started on the gospel. OK, do though.

I finished the Book of Mormon like ten minutes ago. I could go all crazy testimony on you right now but I think a blog is not the right place for that. What I can tell you is that it's true and it made me feel wonderful. I think it's supposed to do that for everyone, actually. I bet with the right attitude, that's true.

Um, so, Stevie's birthday was today. Friends and fam had dinner at Bonsai, very good. I always just go off on how awesome she is though, so I'll give her a break today. Not her family though! Hahahahaha!
Her family is cool! they're very unique and fun people. I get a good vibe from them.

You know what also gives me a good vibe? BEARD.

I love my beard now. It's so ugly though. Gosh, I'm probably not getting any until I shave it.
Oh well.

I'm way into Robot Unicorn Attack now. I'm not very good though. Meanwhile, there's a busy weekend ahead and it's getting late. Stay tuned for more pointless and unfunny updates to my blog.

Sincerely,
Not Letter Format

I Take It Back

So, life has been a little tough lately. But I realized something--I'm an idiot to complain. There are people with lives worse than you or me could ever imagine. We got it good. I got it good.
I don't know really why I have a blog. It's self-absored, time-comsuming and overly emotional. I definately know I didn't get it so I could whine about my tirbulations, which really are insignificant in nature.
So, it's almost the weekend. What's next?
I got to pull the thing on the bus today. It was awesome.
I'm gonna wait and see what happens in the next few days.

Oh, and happy happy birthday Stevie:) You're my friend.

Middle C

I am an Art major. That's what I'm doing with my life. I'm going to be an artist.
It was hard though. Life threw one of those forks-in-the-road at me. Because today I realized that there are two things in this world I love to do, and do I love music more? Maybe. Maybe not.
College started to roll around and I had to make my choice, music or art? I chose art. And you know what?

I still don't know why.

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it. But I love music so much. Ah, I'm drooling just thinking about it. Listening, writing, and lately performing has been interesting. If I could do it for the rest of my life...ah.
There so many specifics here.

Sometimes I feel really picky about music but sometimes I feel like I just love so much different stuff. My heart lies with metal and rock. Yeah, I'm a metalhead. I love Children Of Bodom, Amon Amarth, Metallica, Tool, Lamb Of God, Megadeth, and I've tried writing dozens of my own pieces. The reason why I think I like this stuff, which is apparently really extreme and uncool, is that musically, there is the most there. There is more music in a good metal song than just about any other genre, excluding classical. We'll get there. People get scared because of the intensity of it but I think that energy is a good thing. There's power in that. And technically, the music is supremely complicated and advanced.
One thing that bugs me a little is when people label "screamo" on anything with screaming vocals. There is a big, big difference between screamo and metal. Screamo is not about the musicianship of it all. IT's more about the scene, image, and the themes are all angsty and hypersensitive. (I love you foreverrrrrrr!!!! Bleaaaahhhh!!!) It's really not that cool. Metal is about heaviness, power, strength, energy, technical and traditional musicianship, and believe it or not, fellowship. It's not about dyed pitch black hair and striped sleeves, eye makeup and snakebite piercings. It's about wielding your instrument in a way to deliver the fastest and hardest punch with the smartest flavor. Not necessarily the sweetest. Sometimes though. It's about using that musicianship to deliver the aggression forcefully and tactfully. And a little bit of shock value.
I've always loved rock and classic rock too, the brainchild of blues, one of my most beloved genres. Alter Bridge.
I'm a fan of classical. Chopin blows my mind.

But I also like an assortment of others.Here's something maybe you can all relate to.

You ever go through phases? Where all you want to listen to is one band and maybe a little bit of stuff that sounds a lot like them? Oh, man. I'm in a crazy Avett Brothers phase right now. And I know it will pass, because it always does, but right now, I just love them. See, after a phase ends I still love that band, I just don't fell the need to listen to them as much.
I went through a Zeppelin phase. There were a few Tool phases. A couple Children Of Bodom and LOG phases. Metallica phase. There was a crazy, insanely long Megadeth phase. Same with Alter Bridge and Creed. I'm enjoying this.Right now it's the Avett Brothers. Can't get enough of those guys.
Music is truly a blessing on this earth.
I've really gained an appreciation for church music, too. I could play hymns on the piano for hours, and I have. A free day spent playing music is a free day well spent.

Maybe, hopefully, someday I'll get to study music like I am studying art. Maybe I'll get to do it for work. Who knows? But do yourself a favor for me, and yourself, if you have music in you, do not silence it. Let it swell, and grow, and sing and play it until your hands shake and your voice breaks. Music can be pure and true, and shine in a world with so much distraction. And maybe that can help bring everyone a little closer to happiness.

Step Away From The Stairway With Your Perfume On My Clothes, Well I Kinda Loved Two Girls But Now I've Kinda Lost Them Both

The title is from Distraction #74 by The Avett  Brothers. It has little relevance to my life.

So, let's talk. I have this friend, a really, really nice girl, named Rachel. A few weeks ago she got in a very rough accident and I didn't write about it at the time because of the sensitivity of the subject. It was a really scary thing for everyone...but she has great family. And she's really tough, and she pulled through; not only did she make it but already she's flying around on her crutches and driving and everything! She took so much good from the experience, too...I very much am proud of her and admiring of her. I don't really know why I'm talking about it now...maybe because I never got the chance when it was more recent. But it was a very significant event, and there was a side to it that is very personal and close to my heart, that I don't feel right sharing at this time. Bottom line, Rachel, I'm glad you're ok. More than I could say with something as silly as words.

In my last post I kind of bagged on Halloween but this year was actually pretty fun. Anyway, I said there was something that made me happy, and I feel you're ready to hear about that. You lucky, you.

They're doing construction on I-15 right now so there's tons and TONS of traffic. I wanted to drive back home to Sandy, so I thought it would be interesting to try a different route. I got on Geneva Road going North. It went pretty far, far enough that when it ended, I had no idea where I was. I looked to my left.
Farms.
I looked to my right.
Goats.
I drove a little further and the road ended. There was left and right. And now, instead of a big multi-lane street, it was a little tiny strip going through some rural farmlands. Where the heck am I? I went left. The people were all so friendly. As I toured through the neighborhood, strangers waved and smiled at me, and I did back. Already I was feeling warm. It was cloudy, just enough that everything was cool and calm. I had my window open and the air was fresh on my face. I rolled slowly through the town and I became happier and happier. But nothing could have prepared me for what came next.
I was already thinking to myself that I was loving the drive. But the road bean to incline. There were trees blocking my view to the right, but as I moved uphill I could see past them slowly. Finally, I got high enough and the trees broke and--

Incredible. I had blindly driven right to one of the most beautiful temples I've ever seen. I mean right to it. I turned into the parking lot and stared. It's light was engulfing and it's aura was etifying. I drove around it, promised myself to do baptisms at it, and headed down the country road.
Bonus points to anyone who knows what temple it was.
Now I was in peak mood. Nothing could stop me. Ether 6: 9-10. As if this post isn't positive enough, just when I was starting to think I was too lost and needed to be getting home, the little country road pooped me out onto the Alpine Highway. Not only did I have new directive, but I was sort of aware of where I was...Alpine! But I'd never been there before, and geographically, I still didn't know where I was. So I did what I knew to do.
I headed North.
But eventually as I got farther, I noticed the mountain wasn't ahead of me anymore...had I gone too far? What do I do? But the Highway turned into another country road, and after a little bit, I saw a sign.

DRAPER  ----->

I realized then, I wasn't past the mountain...I was on it! Ha. I followed the road, and then I was on Suncrest.
The winding road was the finest drive of my life, and the view...spectacular. I could see the whole valley, the whole landscape, and the clouds wafting overhead, spraying distant bursts of rain, cleansing the air into clarity. Stopped my breath, it did. So i wound down that road until I got home. I hope I get to do that drive again soon.

We live in a beautiful world. And any person is lucky if they even get to see a fraction of it in their lifetime. Me, I've been lucky. I've gotten to see a lot of it at such a young age, but there's still so much more to experience.
That was my journey.
I have some literature I think you should read.

"The words "I" and "Love" and "You" are the watermark of humanity. Strung together, they convey our deepest sense of humility, of power, of truth. It is our most common sentiment, even as the feeling of it is so infinitely uncommon: each to proclaim these three words with his or her very own heart and mindset of reason (or lack thereof); a proclamation completely and perfectly new each time it is offered. Uttered daily and nightly by millions, the words are said in an unending array of circumstances : whispered to a newborn in a mothers arms; shared between best friends on the playground; in the form of sympathy - said by a girl to a boy, as the respect continues but the relationship does not. It is said too loudly by parents to embarassed children in the company of their friends, and by grown children - to their fading parents in hospital beds. The words are thought in the company of the photograph and said in the company of the gravestone. It is how we end our phone calls and our letters... the words at the bottom of the page that trump all those above it, a way to gracefully finish a message, however important or trivial, with the most meaningful gifl of all : the communication of love. And yet the words themselves have been the victims of triviality, a ready replacement for lesser salutations among near strangers, burst forth casually as "love ya." Truly? To what degree? Why, how much, and for how long? These are questions befitting of the stature of love, though not the everyday banter of vague acquaintance. The words have also been twisted by the dark nature of deceit : To say "I love you" with a dramatic measure of synthetic emotion; a snare set by those who prey upon fellow humanity, driven to whatever selfish end, to gain access to another's body, or their money, or their opportunity. In this realm, the proclamation is disgraced by one seeking to gain rather than to give. In any case, and by whatever inspiration, these words are woven deeply in to the fibers of our existence. Our longing to hear them from the right place is maddeningly and simultaneously our finest strength and our most gentle weakness...As living people, we are bound by this unavoidable parallel. We are powerful yet weak, capable yet temporary. Inevitably, an attempt to place honesty within an artistic avenue will follow suit...In the midst of all this, there are allusions to the less-than-ideal conditions of life : the loss of memory, the inability to control temper, insecurity, indecision, jaded indifference, and the general plague of former and current weakness...Emotional imperfection is a reality...the words "I love you" have become "hard to say". And perhaps that difficulty is as common as it's counterpart. Perhaps the inability to say these heaviest of words is as much a part of life as the lighthearted candor of those who say them without any difficulty at all. And so it ends with the phrase whispered to and by those of us most defeated and most elated... I and love and you."

I and Love and You Mission Statement, by Seth Avett.

And so, in the most meaningful of ways, intending only to give, to express, to proclaim, with the deepest truth, to those of you reading whom I have been privileged to become close, not to, but with, with hope that I have impacted you so strongly and positively as you have me, I love you.

Goodnight.

"I'm Gonna Make You A Little Less Gross, Every Day"

The title is irrelevant. Just something I heard on TV.
This is the Halloween season. Wanna know what I think about it?

I don't like it.

It's a meaningless holiday. Its origin in from Celtic paganism. Really! It's funny that most people I know celebrate it, even though none are Celtic pagans. I don't think that disguising myself as a harmful spirit on Samhain, when the spirits of the Netherworld pass through, for the purpose of passing off as a harmful spirit so that they won't try to get me, is worth having a Nationally-recognized holiday.
And candy? You spend Halloween scoring candy. People, you know it's bad for you, right?
Too bad we don't have a holiday where, as a tribute to American tradition, you eat the greatest feast your skinny body can--

Hold on.

K.

Too bad we don't have a holiday where you give gifts to close friends and family members to express love after the example and celebration of the life of Christ and--

Wait.

Oh. Oh, oh, nevermind. I forgot.

No, no, let's eat tooth decay in a wrapper, dress like sluts, get drunk, party...
Don't even get me started on horror movies.

Did you know that America spends 6 billion dollars a year on Halloween stuff? That's 66 dollars a person. That's enough money to buy 104 Dunlop Tortex picks, 78 Banquet Chicken fingers meals, 6 CDs, or Halo: Reach and a crappy haircut.

But it is a break from the ordinary. At least that.

It's such a dirty holiday though...everything is sticky, and and shrink wrapped, packaged in greasy rubber, and smelly. The whole economy of Halloween marketing just seems kind of gross to me, product-wise. I won't lie and say it's not fun to dress up as a Jedi, or a Caterpillar, or Darth Vader, or Tony Stark, but that has almst nothing to do with the actual foundation of the holiday.

Halloween dance parties are big this year. Dance parties in general are just...heh. I like to dance, and be young, and have fun, but not in a stuffy warehouse where teenage girls are getting grinded on like Amsterdam brothel picks on Saturday night. It makes me sad.

But you know what makes me happy? I'll tell you next time I post.

Reading and Writing and Reading and Thinking

I've got a lot to cover.

First: There are those of you out there who have somehow managed to find access to this page without asking me. Please understand this blog is very personal and I have it on the internet so I can share it with those few people who mean the most to me and whom I am comfortable entrusting the feelings and thoughts I write down to. There are things I put here that come from deep inside of me and when people read them, people who I do not know well enough to trust, it is very unpleasant for me.

As far as I understand, there are more people reading this blog than I had originally been keeping track of. You know who you are. You also know if I have shared the title or url of this blog with you.

Everyone else, listen up. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume we are good enough friends that I do not mind you reading this page (for now). However, this is a personal blog. It is not yours to share with others. It is not yours to show your friends, even if they know me. So those of you reading this now, you are welcome. Unless you feel that I would be uncomfortable with you reading it; you can always ask me. I promise I'm not too terrible of a person. But please, please, please, do not give anyone else grounds to access this. Things can spread fast. I had three people reading the blog, and then someone else found out and all of the sudden there's about ten more people who know about it whom I wasn't aware of or sure about. Friends tell friends who tell friends. I don't like that. So, bottom line, you can read. If anyone else wants to or tries to, they can ask my permission, for me to give them the url, and I probably will give it to them. I want to be nice about this, so let's get some mutual respect going, yeah?

Moving on, actually I like having a few more followers. Mainly because I've got this monthly poll and the more people read my blog the more people vote on it and the better it gets. Also having a bunch of followers makes me feel cool. I am cool. Ish.
...
Ok. Fun fact, the word "ok" appeared in the 1800s in America as an ironic abbreviation for "all correct", more literally "orl korrect". Get it?

I've been told it would be nice if I made my blog funnier. I can try. I hope at least reading this is an entertaining experience for those of you out there. Maybe even educational. But education isn't funny.

A quick report on the day, um, lots of dumb stuff not worth talking about happened. I did get to do this fun foam pit-gym-trampoline-place thing with my buddies Sean and Kels...ie. Kelsie's reading now so we can give her a mention.
I can. I don't know why I say "we". It's just me. Actually, lots of people do that. "We can do this", "Let's go." Dude, you're alone.
Anyway...

Keltsie MacDonald.
Just kidding--I don't wanna say too much sappy stuff because we've got one of those trendy friendships where we're both kinda too proud to admit how cool we think the other one is.
At least... I...
Whatever.
Whether that goes both ways or not, she's pretty awesome. If a little crazy. But hey, who isn't?
Oh also, I am a girl to her. Named Connie.
One time, we went on a date. That is insane. Because for two years of my life, she was this unattainable venus(you might hear me use that phrase pretty commonly), not so much that I liked her like that, but she was one of those 'way-out-of-my-league' girls. Just way too attractive and cool to ever be friends with the skinny pale kid who wrote "Tyrannothesaurus Rex." But she's different from that stereotype and here's why: She is a real person. Down to earth enough to be true to others, even so much as becoming (hopefully I can get away with saying this) decent friends with someone like me. Hats off to you Kels. You getting hit on tonight was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. In a laugh-to-myself kind of funny way.

Maybe if all of you are lucky I'll open up about girls one of these days.

Ok. Next. Family? Why not.

Note: These people come before anyone.



Left to right: Mom, Brother Bowen, Sister Elissa, Con. Merry Christmas. We really are an odd bunch.



We fight. It is a regular occurence. I love my brother.

My Dad. I have the best Dad in the world. I love him with all of my tiny black heart. I couldn't ever imagine a better father. Halo.

Dad, Me, Someone, and Mom. Home state of Washington. In the back there, sticking her head up my butt, is our dog Molly.

Bowen, Connor, Elissa. Cliffside. Bowen, you're too young to drink.

This one goes back a bit. Mom and Dad are never in pictures together because one has to take them. Just like Bowen to take his DS on a family outing, and then not remember the whole trip.

I never was the nice one. Those are the women of my life. We are a pale clan.

Alright. I'm forgetting a lot of the things I wanted to say. But this post has been long enough. Oh, the blogger photo system sucks. Formatting that stuff is impossible.
I'm realizing how much I'm leaving out of this blog so starting now I'm going to try to give you all your money's worth with every post(joke! it's free!). But at least I'll try to pack it all full of real stuff.
So, coming soon...Music! Halloween weekend, the Avett Brothers, my relationships with things, and the long-anticipated History of Iron Man part 3!

I want to close with some special words. Because I haven't talked about this sort of thing in a while. God loves you. He loves me too, he just hates the stuff I do sometimes. But seriously, you're never alone. He's there for you. Your family is there for you. And if all else fails, I'm here for you. Adam fell that men might be, and men are they they might have joy. That's not word for word, but what I'm trying to say is...smile. Life is good. The world, underneath all of the struggles, is a good place. We can be happy here. Not nearly as happy as we can be later, but just don't let yourself get too down. Someone is thinking about you right now.
Goodnight friends!
One more thing...

Be loud. Let your color show.

Confession.

No pun intended with that title.
There's something I've wanted to get off of my chest for a long time. Something big.
I am in love.
With a girl.
Not stupid teenage infatuation, not a crush, real love. Like, I want to spend eternity with her. And have babies with her.
Haley Needs.
Gosh, she's beautiful...that smile, those eyes...she lights up a room just by walking into it. But she doesn't know how I feel about her. Haley...If only you did. If only you knew how a really felt. I want to take care of you. But she's had a boyfriend for a while...I don't know what the current situation is, but...I just want her to notice my attemps to make her feel special. She is so perfect. Haley, I love you forever, and I know someday we will be together.



Just kidding.

Stand by for a real post.

The Pits

How do you get the gospel more in your life when there's literally no room for it?
I know, I know, there's always room.
It's just that, I'm in a bit of a spot right now. More and more, I feel like my way of life is being battered by influences that are trying to tear me down.
School. I'm trying so hard to keep up but it's throwing things at me faster than I deal with them. It's stacking up. My roommates have increasingly less respect for my standards. I havent played guitar in weeks. I'm seeing less and less of my friends. I have no money. And I'm too tired to stay awake long enough to do what I need to. At least I have The Avett Brothers.
Thing is, I know I have so much to be grateful for. I am really priveleged. But I also have so much...negative stuff going on right now. I want to endure to the end. I just don't know when the end is.
I think I can do it. I have resources to help me. I have conviction to drive me. And I have the best friends and family in the world to support me. We'll see how this goes.

Some Deep, Some Shallow

Few things I want to talk about.
I saw my reflection in a big window the other day and it was weird - I've always saw myself as a child. A little teenager. But this time, I looked at my reflection, and I saw a man. An adult. It was crazy. Nice to know I'm actually growing up.
Sort of.
Second, related, I was walking down the hall today and the thought popped into my head, someday I'm going to be married. Me, a married man. Weird, huh? Yeah. Can you picture me as a married person? I can't either.

Let's shift the focus to others for a minute. Something great happened - for the first time in a long time, I got to hang out with STEVIE! Yay, Stevie! She's so great. And oh the fun we had.
Iron Legion got knocked out of the playoffs today. Bummer.
Malawi's pizza. Not only is it delicious, but every meal youy buy, they donate a nutritious meal to an African orphan. Neat, huh? And great food. I was invited by a friend of mine, Ashley. She's a very nice girl.
We did photo critiques in today's class. My portrait of Brad received rave reviews. Fun.
I got to pick up some things from my friend Kelsey's apartment too. Actually, she reads my blog. But we had fun today, and now I think I'm willing to give her the approving nod.
(nod)
I have a lot to do. These last few days have been insane. there's just way too much going on. I hope things calm down soon.

They probably won't. We have to learn to live and survive treading water, so to speak. It's hard to keep your head up but you can never give in, ever. Have faith and you will be supported.
Love and peace, goodnight.

I have a good life. I love you all, goodnight.

I'm At Chelsey's

Chelsey/Cassidy residence/Clayton residence. Chelsey, my good friend, is back from BYU Idaho for the weekend. It's very nice to see her and Cassidy again. I'm going to let Cass write a paragraph.

connor is very  rad. and

i am wit really stupid boys except con and bran


con is on a spon and he ate a prawn

Chelsey helped. Neither of them got very far.
Needless to say.
Friends came over and now the atmosphere is distracting! I will report later. Farewell...

I'm Not On Facebook, I'm Blogging

I have a great family. I have wonderful friends. And I owe everything to them.
Anyway, now the ConBlog cat is out of the bag thanks to a nosy couple friends of mine *cough cough*Courtney!*cough*Kelsey*Koff*! And there may or may not have been a big conversation on Facebook discussing this page. There was. *cough*

Ahem.

There are those of you out there who would suppose it appropriate to find and read my secret blog without a formal invitation. I cannot stop you. And who knows, maybe you may even learn a thing or two from my mindless ranting. Maybe you laugh once or twice. Point is, this is a very private and personal web log, and should it become overexposed, I will take action. Meaning changing the URL. Or deleting it altogether.
Now I'm starting to think I should have gone through with my plan to create a decoy blog. Moving on!

So much happened today. Let's discuss.
I got to pull the thing for the bus to stop today. For the first time! It was awesome.
Yesterday was speed dating. That was an interesting thing. now I'm not gonna name names, but it's common knowledge that my life with girls has been on something of a hiatus for a long time, and now there's a few local women who have been drawing my interest lately. It's nothing.
Bought new art supplies.

Also, I just got pulled over for the first time! Just like an hour ago! it was so sick. I got off scot-free, of course, I was just a little drowsy and not the best at staying in my lane. Sometimes police officers are actually nice. My advice: be honest.

Earlier, I made a trip to the Provo Temple to do baptisms with buddy Sean. Wednesday afternoon.

Bad choice.

To say it was packed is an understatement. Now the waiting I could handle, but there were a lot of youth in there simply not sustaining the level of reverence appropriate for the temple. Those of you who do Baptisms for the Dead, please remember to be reverent. I'm sure you're fine, it's mostly the deacons. I love deacons though. I used to be one even.
I helped Brad write a song about crazy people. Talk about irony.
Anyway, after tomorrow, it's the weekend! I'm excited! Are you excited? Of course you are.
Got a lot ahead of us, do we not? I have more to write, I just can't think of it right now. Until next update, followers!

Correction & Continuation

So those last few posts...I tried to do it from my phone via SMS text. Didn't work out too well. I guess it breaks it up like that...oh well. If you can figure out a way to read them all chronologically, this here is Part 2.

The Draper Utah Temple. After my terrible terrible morning I went there and you know what? It was all better. In fact, it turned into one of the best days in a while. While I was in there, waiting to do Baptisms for the Dead, I found a scripture. Two, actually. Ether 6: 9-10.

And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither a whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.

What a great set of words. I rarely feel the Spirit as strongly as I did that day. I really made somthing of the day too. I got a lot done, including a visit to Rachel for the first time since she got out of the hospital, and she's doing great; I couldn't be happier.

And now, there's a lot I'm excited for in the next month, from now until the beginning of November - a lot. One thing I want to mention now...

ABIII. The new album from Alter Bridge, probably the best American band out there. It's been 3 years since Blackbird, their last release, and it's about time for a new one. From what I've heard, it's gonna be awesome. I suggest you look up their first 2 albums if you've never heard them. Heck, even my sister likes them, and she's weird.
Anyway, I'm gonna do my best to keep up goodness for the rest of the fall break. See ya soon!

But everythings ok now, and do you know why? I will tell you.

To be continued...

y, and reasoning will all be nil. That's what I experienced this morning. And it took me a nap and a while to figure it out. Irony, huh? So that sucked.

(cont. From previous post) if you are a smart person and you get 3 hours, you become a stupid person. You don't even realize it but your awareness, memor

isn't enough.
Thing is, you can feel like you're totally awake and totally sharp, but you're not. (cont. In next post)

of my own stupidity, which is pretty much the prime factor of the whole deal. I couldn't think! And so I testify to you the value of sleep--3 hours just

ve up on my plans and started heading home I was on the verge of a breakdown. Half because of the universe for taking a dump on my face, and half because

.

I was off to a pretty bad start this morning. And when I say that I mean really bad. I got lost, I got confused, and I got forgotten. by the time I ha

said on an earlier post how I might get to do some fun stuff with a couple friends thursday morning? Well its thursday afternoon.
That's right.

Nothin

So I'm just sitting on my couch right now. Turns out I can text to the blog and it goes right on there.

Today has been interesting. So, you know how I

Let's see if I can update my blog from my phone...

The History of Iron Man, part 2: The Golden Avenger

Tales of Suspense #39 was a hit and so was Iron Man so, in the next issue of Tales, Stan Lee decided to bring him back.

Iron Man's second story featured him fighting a giant caveman called Gargantus, who in the end (spoiler alert) turned out to be a robot controlled by aliens. As silly as it sounds, this kind of story was likeable in the early 60s. Earlier in the issue, Iron Man had saved some people at the circus when the big cats got loose, but was saddened when he heard the people commenting on how fearsome and ugly he looked in his cold grey armor. And so, Tony Stark painted the suit gold.

Gold has been on almost every variation of the suit since 1963 when it first debuted.

Iron Man became the central character of the Tales of Suspense series indefinately and in the months following his shiny makeover he had many adventures fighting Communists, monsters, robots, aliens, and Warlords.

But the most significant event in Iron Man's run since his origin wasn't in his own magazine.

In September of 1963 Stan Lee again created a new super team: The Avengers! Instead of creating original characters for a team, however, he dicided to collect some of Marvel's more outstanding independents and get them together to fight the mad menace of Loki, Thor's foster brother and God of mischief and deception. Iron Man, Thor, The Hulk, The Wasp, and Ant Man joined forces to defeat the fiend, and, accomplishing victory, realized the potential of a super team. And so, with Iron Man shining brightly in his golden armor among their ranks, Earth's mightiest heroes--The Avengers--were born.

Dirty Is As Dusty Does

Hello friends. Today is Wednesday and because of Fall break I'm done with classes for the week, yay! A few things to report. Um, for those of you who are in on my court case and all of that...It's coming along. We've got some new options that we're gonna try and hopefully we can get this behind us and move on as fast as possible.
I met with my Stake President from my home ward for a talk about everything. President Pugh is one of the greatest men I have ever met. The Spirit is so strong with him...I admire him a lot. I mean, this is a guy who has a Masters in Business Administration from Harvard and spends his days doing work for the church and straight up helping people.

Anyway, moving on. Some good things that happened this week -I spent about 16 hours working on my term history paper, including two consecutive all nighters, almost, but I finished! But when I went to class the day it was due, teacher reminded us to turn in our term papers next week. I cried. I got to play at open mic night last Wednesday, and then celebrate my friend Kelsie's 19th birthday. Both went pretty well, I suppose. And also I got to visit my wonderful friend Stevie! That's always really nice.
Right now Josh is playing Medal of Honor, EA's new COD Killer. It's pretty cool--There's this guy named Dusty, he has a full beard and wears sunglasses at night. He's so sick. Someday I will be that awesome.

I'm planning on drawing some pictures today. And tomorow I'm going back to Sandy for the first part of the weekend. Thursday I'm gonna do my photography assignment, which is to photograph a day in my life from morning to night. If I'm lucky I'll get to hang out with a couple good friends and hit up the Temple. We'll see.

I Am A Prideful Man

Or boy, I should say. What I believe is that a priesthood holder is a boy until he returns honorably from his mission, and then he is a man. Like a rite of passage. So someday I will be a man. For now, I am a prideful boy. The reason I bring it up is because we had an exceptionally powerful lesson in church today - both in sunday school and in priesthood. Two lessons, really. What I took away from them are these points:

1 - Humility. One of the most Christlike attributes. Pride is so abundant these days, humility is something I realize I, and everyone, needs to strive for constantly always.
I don't know the proper grammar for that last sentence.
So starting now I will strive to be more humble, and I invite you to join me.

2 - Everyone is a child of God. EVERYONE. This one hit me the hardest because it made me realize how much I treat people as lesser than myself, or judge people I do not know. So many times I have been rude to people because I don't like the way they live or the choices they make, but what I need to realize is that every person is the same as me. They are all children of Heavenly Father and He loves them just as much as he loves me. Or you. Or anyone. And if you think of people in this way, maybe we can love everyone else a little more, at least.

3 - Selflessness. The greatest honor is giving yourself or your interests up for the benefit of another. The proper way to think is "it is not about me. it is about others. it is about God." Not my will, but Thine be done. That kind of thing. The way that people are programmed to think these days is "what's in it for me?" But that isn't right. What can you do for others? How can you serve?
In Star Wars Episode III, Palpatine says good is a point of view.
This is not true. Good is an absolute--it is the force that drives the will of God on earth. Or rather the result of that force, the result or identity of the will of God. God is good. The way of God is good. And it is as simple as that. There is no grey area. And this way is to sacrifice yourself for others. Help others. Love one another. That is the greatest Good. Love others as you would love yourself, if not more. Referring to point 2, we can use this perpective to help us love others and to be more humble, as I mentioned for point 1. See how the points relate? It all makes sense. It's all part of the plan. So to conclude by "brief" examination of these points, I would say this: Love every child of God as you would love yourself and more. Love them as He would want you to and as He does want you to. Be humble. Be selfless. Dedicate yourself to service. Through this, you will be more fulfilled than you could ever be in the ways of the world.
I used to tell myself, if everyone looks out for themself, everyone has someone looking out for them. But I was wrong.
If everyone looks out for each other, than everyone has a whole world looking out for them. And that is the way we should live.

Next, I have this: Scripture.
Micah Chapter 5 Verses 7-15 and 3 Nephi Chapter 12 Verses 12-29

In Micah, which is Old Testament, the prophet Micah speaks of the fate of the Lord's children in the last days. Compare his words to 3 Nephi, where Christ is speaking to the Nephites. Jesus quotes Micah almost exactly. And the references in both chapters, especially 3 Nephi apply directly to us today. We are the remnants of Jacob that Jesus speaks of, spread in the midst of the Gentiles like "a lion among the beasts of the forests". I strongly recommend you read and compare these chapters.

Now, I'm going to detach from Church topics for the rest of the post and do a week wrapup.
The highlight that I want to mention first is that I finally got to hang out with Stevie!  She makes this cake - Better Than Sex cake, as it were, but I prefer to call it Better Than Makeout Cake, and it's soooo good. Really, that good. We went to California Pizza Kitchen, too and it was delicious, which is what I had heard. Yeah it lived up to the expectations. Now Stevie's going to hate me for putting this on the internet but she has the most amazing voice. I only got to hear it for 2 seconds because for some reason one of my best friends is shy to sing in front of me.
I know, right?
But I will get her to sing. A whole song. And you bet your cinnamon buns I'm going to love it.

I also got to hang out with a really great friends Lexi and Tabitha, Friday and Saturday nights, respectively. We watched some movies. Robert Downey Jr. movies!

He is so sick. My favorite actor. I haven't seen a movie he's in that I didn't love. He's been in some movies that would normally be pretty crappy but he just makes it. And I honestly believe he is the most talented actor of his generation.













I have a lot of homework to do but I want to mention one more thing -- my friend Rachel. She is alive! I was terrified when she got in her accident but she's a real trooper and she's doing just great now, which makes me so happy. Rachel, I'm glad you're doing so well. I'll visit you again soon.

That's all for now(as if it wasn't enough). I have a good life. Farewell, my dear followers!

The History Of Iron Man, Part 1: He Lives! He Walks! He Conquers!

It began in March of 1963. Marvel Comics writer Stan Lee was on a roll, having created Spider-Man, The Fantastic Four, and Thor in the preceding year, all of which would quickly become flagship characters for the label, and eventually star in TV shows, video games, and movies. His next major creation came in Tales of Suspense issue #39, titled Iron Man Is Born! The issue was scripted by Lee's brother Larry Lieber based on a story that Lee wrote himself, and was penciled by legendary artist Don Heck.

At the time, Vietnam was the most violent place in the world and the war itself was picking up faster and faster. Communism was public enemy number one and war profiteers were a close second. Perhaps the reason Iron Man has been so popular throughout his history was because of his constantly-updating relevance to current events, as was portrayed in his origin and, more recently, his movie. Since Iron Man's identity and powers are technology-driven and man-made, the character has been able to continue updating itself to keep up with the times, resulting in a lasting quality that a lack of has caused other heroes to fade into obscurity.

And so, in this time when weapons manufacturers, industrialists and many politicians were hated by the general public of the United States for their critical involvement in an increasingly unpopular war, Stan Lee had the idea to take one of these despised characters and make him one of the most admired and cherished fictional peronas in culture: a super hero. But how could he create a protagonist who exemplified this position but was still likeable and believeable as a hero?

The answer came in Anthony Edward Stark, a young, handsome, charming, wealthy, and intelligent playboy industrialist weapons designer who made millions selling his futuristic inventions to the United States government. He was exactly the kind of man America loved to hate. Tony was based on Howard Hughes - he was a test pilot for the future, strong-willed, genius, and a just a little bit insane.In Tales #39, we are introduced to the character as he demonstrates his new invention to the Army, deep in the heart of the Communist empire--Vietnam. After the demonstration, Tony and his military escort are walking through the jungle back to the base when the escort springs an explosive booby trap.

 Lying wounded on the jungle floor, Tony is discovered and captured by the red leader Wong-Chu, and when Tony awakens, he is informed of the grim truth: in the explosion, a piece of shrapnel was lodged in his chest and draws nearer to piercing his heart with every beat. They tell Tony that he is to make weapons for them, and if he does, they will save him. He knows they're lying. With the help of fellow prisoner and scientist Ho Yinsen, He constructs an invincible iron suit, the chestpiece of which will keep his heart beating as long as he is wearing it and it is charged. But as Tony finishes dressing himself in the armor, Wong-Chu's men become suspicious and come to investigate. In order to buy Tony more time, Yinsen selflessly uses himself as a distraction, and is murdered by the reds. Tony then blasts his way out of the compound, freeing himself and avenging his good friend's death.

The issue was a hit. Iron Man was becoming popular and it was still the beginning of a long and still-running reign for the righteous Golden Avenger.

To be continued...